


The Internet is a Fragging Gift to Anyone With Half a Shot and a Paypal Account

by Draikinator



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Whirl is a dick, nonconsensual-but-completely-nonsexual, religious insensitivity, ummm what to tag this as
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-18
Updated: 2015-05-18
Packaged: 2018-03-31 04:44:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3964843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draikinator/pseuds/Draikinator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cue me and shiloh up at midnight rambling on about how easy the internet makes it to just become a minister and because i just did this and because i am whirl-</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Internet is a Fragging Gift to Anyone With Half a Shot and a Paypal Account

**Author's Note:**

  * For [theonetruesmol](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=theonetruesmol).



“Psst.”

Rewind rolled over and swatted at his conjunx tiredly, refusing to online his optical visor.

“Pssst!”

Except the pssting wasn’t coming from Chromedome, it was coming from the exact opposite direction. He pulled his visual feed online, alarmed, and sat up with a jolt.

Whirl was crouched down beside his berth like he was trying to be subtle.

“What are you doing in my room?!” Rewind hissed as quietly as he could, cutting Chromedome a quick glance to see him still recharging softly.

“Psst, ‘Windy. Do you have any idea how easy it is to become an ordained minister on the internet?”

Rewind stared at him for a solid three seconds before whisper-shouting, “How did you even get in here?!”

Whirl shook a claw dismissively, “Pfft,” he said, and Rewind’s optical sensors darted back to Chromedome, because if anything was going to wake him up it was that stupid noise, “Who cares? Okay, so, listen, I was on the internet, yeah? And I got me ordained with one of them open source churches or whatever.”

“Whirl…”

“And you’re the only person I know with a camera strapped to his head, and I need a witness to make it real, so-”

“Whirl…!”

“The plan is to sneak into Rodimus’ and Drift’s habsuite and marry them in their sleep on account of they'de basically already married.”

“…Ha. Is that legal?”

“Oh, heavens no.”

Rewind paused, before casting one more glance at his conjunx endura, shrugging, and hopping down his berth’s stepladder to the floor, “Aight.”

They slipped out of the room quietly, and Rewind politely turned down Whirl’s offer of a ride, six times, before they arrived at the Captain-and-third-in-command’s shared habsuite, and Rewind found out exactly how Whirl had gotten into his room. He made sure he was filming while Whirl removed the door’s locking mechanism from the wall, rewired it, and set it back into its place with near perfect precision, tiny claw auxiliaries working carefully within the delicate machinery. The door clicked open, and Whirl brought up a single claw to his optic and said, “Shhhh."

* * *

 

Chromedome awoke with a start to pounding on his habsuite door and shrieking from his comm unit.

“F-wha??” He stammered, tripping and falling straight out of the berth, “Rewi-” he paused. Rewind was not in his berth. He looked at the door, and then answered his comm unit. “Hello?”

“Chromedome, I hope you know how adverse I am to throwing anyone other than Whirl in the brig without due cause, but you had best come and collect your Conjunx! This is an absolute affront to my faith especially, I can’t believe-”

At that moment, Rodimus voice came from behind the door, accompanied by further pounding, “Chromedome, you better get your aft out here this fragging instant I swear on the Matrix I’m going to-”

He cut his comm and called Rewind, “What the hell did you do?”

**Author's Note:**

> Obviously this isnt legal or binding you cant marry people who arent even awake but -\0w0/-


End file.
